Sunday the 29th--"I am not who you think I am"

I joined a pregnancy group before I gave birth, but it was so close to my due date that I never got to meet anyone face-to-face. After I had Ben, I sent the following e-mail to the group.

Less than a day later, I get a response from a "Michael Murphy" using a Hotmail address. His entire response was "Please remove me from this list. I am not who you think I am."

See below for why this had me on the floor. If this guy had ever been thinking about having children, well, let's just say that he may have revised his plans.

Re: New Parents' Group

hi all,
I'm learning loads of stuff about breastfeeding, which has been really interesting...my birthing experience was that i did have a c-section, but not an emergency one. to make a longer story short, the day before my due date, right before we were to sit down for dinner, i had some bleeding and my doctor had me meet her at the hospital (me never expecting to be admitted, of course). she still gave me the option to go through labor naturally, as we had agreed, but accelerated it with an induction. after a very short while it became clear that the baby wasnt going to be delivered vaginally. C-section was very fast, epidural made me shaky, hospital stay was short (less than 3 days), the nursing staff at *** hospital was mostly great, warm people, good care. what's kind of odd is that i missed out on all the things i'd prepared for--my water breaking, delivering the placenta in a non-surgical situation. i'm happy everything was fine in the end...the first week has been kinda crazy...anyhow, that's the edited/summarized version of my story, so far. first peds visit was yesterday, and he experienced his first rain, which almost made me cry. lotsa things are making me cry (all my friends who've had children tipped me off to that one; they're really human, "happy" cries; not sad ones).

hope all of you are healthy. i know it's a cliche, but i feel like this is the best thing i've ever done.
~gina

Saturday January 28th--Babies on Film

From another e-mail from Vita:

I hope u guys are feeling well enough to go out tonight.Hoping to watch a flick with Benjamin and start to give him the beginning of the film 101 course. By 2 and a half Alex (Ed. note: Jake's nephew) would announce that we needed to fast forward through the "opening credits."

Love V.

MILESTONE: Wore my own underwear instead of the mass-produced "meshies" from the hospital (I took a coupla extra pairs when I was discharged...)

Friday the 27th--The Bad Bug

Hawribble stomach flu yesterday and the night before last. Worse than having a C-section, no question. I was e-mailing Barbara, from the New Moms Group--who I hadn't even met yet in person--as I felt so crappy and isolated. Getting stomach sick and breastfeeding do NOT mix.

Jake then caught the evil bug, but not as bad as I had it. He had chills; was asking me what I thought of Ben’s fingers and I said they were a little warm; he thought they were freezing. He took out the second winter comforter and made a bed cocoon--a sure sign he had it.

Tuesday the 24th--Talk to Me

Saw two out of three grandmas today. He was pretty happy. Had some daddy time on the couch, too. Breastfeeding easier. Need an armchair. Took a long walk to 9th street, napped both ways, was really cute and good. Still cry when I look at some of his photos, especially the ones of the first time he saw rain.

From an email from Vita, in response to my observation that she talks to children, even infants, like they’re people:

My "nanny' never spoke baby talk to me..she lived with us from the time I was 16 months old 'til Iwas 11 years old..her idea of child raising wasto be in constant conversation with a child...she was a wise woman.

Monday the 23rd--Growin' Like a Weed

PM. Tired. Should be sleeping more during the day.

Think he’s going through a growth spurt. Seems like he’s ALWAYS going through a growth spurt.

Saturday the 21st--Nix-Nix on Elastic Waistbands

Milestone: Wore pants with a real waist (no elastic waistband) and a belt for the first time since surgery.

Went for a walk in the park with Charles and Vita and their 2 dogs, plus Jake and Ralph. I pushed the stroller most of the time (except down the evil steep hill on the way to Nethermead).

Jim and Nancy came over to visit, they stayed a bit too long and now I'm tired to the point of being cranky. Vita helped us bathe Ben; he hated it, all red and crying but he smelled so good when we were done (Jake, for some ungodly reason, thought he could get useful information off of the Dr. Bronner’s soap label on how to dilute the soap for use on a baby, amongst all that evangelical crap they put on there. I just dumped some of it in the tub and added water.)

He fussed some more and we started making dinner. I ended up putting him in the sling while he cooked the turkey burgers and I made the escarole thingy (cheap, poor Italian people food). I was able to cook with one hand (the other was holding Ben's head up). He stopped fussing; Ralph was underfoot; a fire started in the toaster, where Jake was toasting bread to pour the soup onto. Very exciting. We both had mad gas all day long (me and Jake), from what we couldn’t figure.

By the time 9 o’clock rolled around, I was nearly psychotic and happy that Jake came upstairs to give me a kiss. I wanted to cry and was taking myself way too seriously (symptom: printing out articles from the web on growth patterns for breastfed babies).

Monday the 16th--G Goes it Alone with Ben

Want to try the sling today. Jake going to Ikea to buy furniture, me nervous! The sheer terror of being alone with the baby...

Sunday the 15th--Crabby G/How to Give an Infant a Bath

Forgot to take a nap. Took shower late and crabby now. Thinking about work and how I want to do better, try harder. Harder day, now at the end of it. Talked to some friends on the phone. Tired. Ben was pretty good, all in all. Slept loads in the middle of day. Fed a lot afterwards, for an hour plus. Didn’t go outside; very cold and windy out. Missing exercise. Want to buy things as treats for self. Loving Ben. Jake’s interactions with him very different from mine. Could stare at his facial expressions for hours, they change so quickly. I spend so much time staring into his face while feeding. What are the male/female differences in interacting?

Vita came over to instruct on sink bath.

Friday the 13th/Saturday--Jake Feeds the Boy

Saturday was a good day with visitors, 3 shifts worth (ShelRuth, John + Roshma, my brother and family??--3 kids and Kerry).

Pumped for the first time, and Jake did the 4 am feeding.

Thursday the 12th--Ben Sleeps

He’s still asleep and it’s 10:15. Blessed be!

A rough night. He kept eating and eating, then fussing when I took him off. Diaper OK, all other systems checked out, except, he kept eating and eating. Now he’s asleep. Oh, I forgot, I wanted to pump. Gotta go get the New Yorker so I can have a read while I pump.

Did I mention that I hate Brooklyn Industries? They really suck; what a bunch of snots.

Wednesday the 11th (January), First Peds appointment

Ben had his first peds appointment, and exposure to rain. I think he liked being rained on. He was pretty good throughout. I was tired and vulnerable; nipples burning and had a blister on one, eyes started to tear up while we were in the waiting room. Left a msg. with the lactation consultant, and bought a new nursing bra. Polyester sucks; it’s really the enemy.

He looked really cute in his Hanna Andersson bunting, which I call the spork (because of the sporklike fleece spurting up from the top of the hood).

He’s waaaay cute. Hung out with us tonight on the dining room table in his car seat; Jake made dinner (from food people brought us; he cooked veggies). He’s really tired; I think he’s gonna need a break soon, like, help with the laundry or something. We’re going to have lots of visitors Saturday, and some tomorrow (Friday’s free). So far he’s had lots.